Addiction – supporting someone

1. Educate yourself

Learn as much as you can about the addiction. The more you know, the easier it is to understand what’s going on, what things it's important to know (such as when to know things have got a point where they need urgent help) and how you can support them in a healthy way.

2. Talk to them

Sit down (or go for a walk) and have a one-on-one talk about your concerns. Explain your thoughts and feelings and the effect their behaviour is having. Try not to judge them or get angry as this may make them defensive. Planning how to start the conversation and what you want to say, and picking the right time to have a chat may help the conversation go better. If a one-on-one talk doesn’t work, you could organise whānau members or friends to get together to talk to the person as a group. However, be prepared for neither of these to get the results you seek as it takes time for people to accept their addiction and want support.

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3. Professional help 

Counsellors, support groups, therapists and addiction specialists offer professional support and help for the person with the addiction and their family members. They may need professional help to break their addiction and deal with other underlying issues, such as mental health issues or past traumas. You could look into what professional services are available in your area so that you can share some ideas if and when the person with the addiction is ready to accept they need professional help. Read more about addiction support services. 

Be aware that you may need professional help yourself to deal with your own emotions and what you have been through with the person you're trying to support. 

4. Maintain boundaries

It’s important to maintain boundaries. It’s natural to want to 'rescue' the person, but this isn't a good idea. Be realistic about what you can offer them in the way of support (eg, cook them a meal, check in on them regularly). It’s not helpful to give them financial or other support that will allow them to continue their addiction. It’s okay to draw a line in the sand and say “no”. Eventually, and in their own time, they have to come to their own understanding of the harm they’re doing and want to stop for themselves. 

5. Look after yourself

Under these circumstances, you might forget about your own wellbeing. Remember to put your own physical and mental wellbeing first. Make sure you’re eating well, exercising, getting enough sleep and carrying on with your normal routines. Look for support for yourself if you need it. You could ask for help from your healthcare provider or a health improvement practitioner if you want to talk about your own emotions or find out how to get support for your friend or family member from other sources. If you need to have a rest from providing support be honest about it, take a break but let them know when you'll be back in touch again. 

6. Keep your expectations realistic

You can't expect somebody with an addiction to sort everything out overnight or in a short timeframe. Recovery from an addiction is a long, ongoing process that can last a lifetime. Addicts relapse (slip back into addictive behaviours), so it’s often not an easy road to recovery. Help to celebrate their successes and continue to support them even when they do relapse.