Carers need care too

Help and support is available for carers

Key points about carers need care too

If you’re looking after or helping someone close to you on a regular basis, for a few or many hours a week, there’s information, support and services available.
Caring for a close friend or family member can be rewarding but it can also be tiring – especially if they need full-time or long-term support.
It's important to learn how to refill your own cup so that you're doing well yourself. That way you'll be able to keep providing the best care to your loved one.
Find out how to look after yourself and access the support that's available to you.

Carers are individuals, family, whānau and āiga who provide care for someone close to them who needs help with everyday living because of a disability, health condition, illness or injury. Words such as ‘support’ or ‘manaakitanga’ may better describe the way a carer sees caring as a natural part of what they do for the people they love.

Image credit: Ministry of Social Development

There are approximately 430,000 carers in Aotearoa New Zealand – about 1 in 10 people.

Caring plays a crucial role in society as it allows people to live and participate in their communities. It also helps reduce dependence on the health and aged care systems. Carers make a significant contribution to the quality of life of the person they care for.

Depending on your situation, being a carer can be different for everybody. For example, you could be caring for a disabled child, supporting a friend with a mental health condition, looking after an older family member or caring for a sick partner.

The care you give could be needed suddenly due to unforeseen circumstances such as an accident, or it could develop gradually over time, eg, if you have an ageing parent or grandparent who needs increased support.

You may be caring for someone in your own home or outside your home, and it may be part or full-time. The care required may be short-term or long-term and it can vary in how hard it is to take care of them and how much time is needed.

Demand for carers is growing because:

people are living longer
more people have multiple long-term health conditions
more people are living at home rather than going into residential care.

Image credit: Ministry of Social Development

Some of the tasks carers carry out may include:

Wellbeing: Assistance with medication, help with rehabilitation after surgery, injury or illness.
Mobility: Providing support with strength, balance, movement, or lifting a family member with limited mobility.
Personal care: Showering, toileting, brushing teeth/ hair, shaving, dressing, and undressing.
Daily activities: Preparation of meals and help with eating, cleaning (vacuuming, wiping, mopping kitchen and bathroom floors, washing and hanging out clothes).
Support: With administrative tasks such as applying for grants or organising insurance.
Companionship: Providing friendship and emotional support.

According to the Ministry of Social Development:

About 1 in 10 New Zealanders are carers.
Carers are more likely to be female (63% female).
Carers come from all ethnic backgrounds – most are European and Māori (European 70%, Māori 15%, Asian 7%, Pacific 6%, other 2%).
The carer population is older than the Aotearoa New Zealand population (20% of carers are over 65 years of age, compared to 15% of all New Zealanders).
Nearly 1 in 10 carers are 15 to 24 years of age.
About 2 in 3 carers are employed as well as having a caring role (63% are in full-time or part-time employment).
About 1 in 5 carers live rurally (17% live in a rural settlement or other rural location).
The value of unpaid family care is about $17.6 billion per year.

The role of a carer is often hidden in whānau and communities partly because many people consider it to be something that you just do.

While caring for a loved one can be immensely rewarding, it can also be challenging. Support is usually focused on the person needing care, but if you're a carer, it's important that you take good care of yourself too and get support.

Respite is important for both of you!

It's important to take time out and have a break from your responsibilities as carer. This could be a few minutes here and there during the day, an hour or 2 each week, or a longer planned break such as formal respite care. The time out can be to do anything that makes you feel energised, refreshed and ready to return to your caring role.

You might be worried about ‘stepping away’ temporarily from the person who needs your support. However, having a break can encourage independence, build self-esteem and provide a wider range of opportunities for socialisation. When you get back together again, you’ll have different things and new experiences to talk about.

You might also like to share a hobby with the person you’re caring for, eg, gardening together, arts or craft. Or they may benefit from participating in an activity programme that could provide an opportunity for you to have a break.

Health New Zealand | Te Whatu Ora funds activities and services for people with high and complex needs and/or an intellectual disability(external link). Read more about services provided(external link) to support people with disabilities and the people who care for them.

Ask for help and let others step in

It can be easy for carers to underestimate their own needs and not do anything about them, or simply not know where to turn for help.  Putting others’ needs first can mean you become more socially isolated, exhausted and possibly unhappy. It can also mean you postpone your own health checks or put your own needs way down the priority list.

Seeking help early and using the support services available helps you to continue caring for your whānau member for longer. It's best not to wait until you're desperate or exhausted before you ask for help, or until an outside person or agency has to intervene because your situation has got to crisis point.

It’s important that you don’t try to manage alone. You're entitled to help from health professionals and social services (see the list below). Family, friends and neighbours may offer to help, so take up their offers. Think of ways to let them help with caring and explain exactly what you would like them to do.

Image credit: Canva

Look after yourself

It's important that you stay physically and emotionally healthy.

Eat a healthy, balanced diet and if you drink alcohol, stick to the recommended guidelines.
Make sure you keep up with regular health and dental checks and vaccinations. It’s important for you, but it’s also important for the person you care for. They might be exposed to infections or have to do without you if you become unwell.
Keep in touch with whānau and friends. You deserve and need a social life outside your carer role.
Take time out to maintain your interests and hobbies. You have a right to follow your own interests outside of the caring role, and it's important that you do.
Find ways to relax. Some people find that time spent in prayer, meditation, self-reflection or counselling can help boost morale.
Find ‘me time’ even on the busiest day – this might be 5 minutes for a walk in the garden or some small activity that gives pleasure.
Keep moving. Walking is an excellent stress reliever and can be calming for a person with dementia.
Try to get enough rest. If your sleep is disturbed at night, take opportunities to sleep whenever you can.
Plan regular excursions or small ‘treats’ to look forward to. They don’t have to cost a thing. It might be watching a particular movie online, a special lunch with whānau or friends, a picnic in the park or catching up with a friend you haven't made time to see recently. Setting up a regular commitment such as a weekly singing group or coffee date gives your schedule some structure.

Understanding your emotions

This information is from the Cancer Society NZ's booklet 'Supporting someone with cancer'(external link) but also applies to carers, partners and supporters who are looking after others with long-term illnesses or life-limiting conditions.

The emotions you may feel (in no particular order) include:

loneliness and isolation
fear and anxiety
sadness and depression
guilt
frustration
anger
resentment
helplessness
stress
loss and grief.

The Cancer Society booklet(external link) offers lots of practical advice and tips for ways of coping 'when the going gets tough'.

Also, you can check to see if there is a health improvement practitioner at your general practice to have a free session to help you manage these emotions.

If somebody in your household or whare has COVID-19, you need to keep your distance from them to reduce your risk of getting sick. Even when you're the main carer, there are things you can do to reduce the chances of you catching COVID as well. If you get sick you won't be able to look after them.

Let fresh air into the spaces where you live, provide care, work and gather with others to reduce the risk of catching or spreading COVID-19.
Wear a face mask and if you have home helpers, ask them to wear a face mask.
Cough into your elbow, wash your hands and clean often-touched surfaces.
Try and keep your contact to a minimum while people are COVID positive.
Test yourself to check that you're COVID free. Read more information about what to do if you test positive for COVID-19.

Remember, it's really important that as well as looking after your physical wellbeing, you look after your mental wellbeing and your wairua. Even if you're isolating, make sure you stay connected with people using the internet or phone. You can also go outdoors for fresh air, or go for a walk in a COVID-safe way by physically distancing and wearing face masks if you prefer. Plus, revisit the tips above and make an effort to find that ‘me’ time.

Practical help is available for people who care for and support family/whānau members or friends with a physical or mental health condition, disability, injury or illness. A guide for carers – He aratohu mā ngā kaitiaki(external link) includes information on services and support available for carers including: