Living solo, living well

Sometimes you can find yourself living on your own, whether through your own choice or due to circumstances beyond your control.

Maybe a relationship has ended, your partner has passed away, or the kids have left home. There are many reasons why you could find yourself living alone. For some people, living alone feels like a positive choice – a step into independence – while for others, it can be a shock to the system, especially if you’ve always lived with someone. You suddenly become responsible for managing your entire household, eg budgeting, bills and maintenance on your own. That can feel overwhelming at first, particularly if there are things you’ve never done before. 
 
While it’s common to worry about feeling lonely or unsafe, living on your own can also be enjoyable and liberating. Plus, it offers the opportunity to learn new skills such as cooking or gardening (if you haven’t done much of this before!) With time, it can lead to new-found independence, resilience and personal growth.

Adjusting to living on your own will vary depending on what age and stage you’re at in life, so we’ve put together some tips to assist:

1. Sort the basics – finances, housework and DIY

2. Have friends around and stay socially connected

Living solo is the perfect opportunity to have friends around or entertain. It can be a nice change to have a space that’s usually quiet, full of people and chatter. Aim to focus on meaningful connections with like-minded people – the ones who are there for you when you need to pick up the phone and download, or simply chat. Remember, you only get out of friendships what you’re willing to put in. Make sure you’re just as available to listen, to hear and be heard, share your feelings and support others as they support you. 
 
When you first start living alone, there might be times when you struggle more with being by yourself. If you can’t face another Friday night home alone, have a plan and take action! See our next suggestion.
 

3. Start a new activity or find a creative outlet

Don’t just stay in and wait for the action to come to you! Get out and about, catch up with friends and family and have regular social contact. Join a group, take up a sport or go to a gym class, start a new hobby or volunteer to help others. If you find the evenings lonely, an activity like a regular quiz team will get you out of the house. Is there a social sports team at your work? There’s bound to be something happening close to home – check with your local library or community Facebook page to connect with groups and people in your area. 
 
If you’re an older person, having someone you can phone to check in with daily or weekly can help you stay connected. If it’s hard for you to get out, you could organise a regular ‘cooking’ night with a friend where you both make the same meal or tackle a new recipe and share/eat it online together. Just because you’re housebound doesn’t mean you can’t join a group or have fun.  

When you live alone, you have more time to indulge your creative side or find the things that bring you joy. You might want to revisit a hobby you’d cast aside – learn an instrument, take up painting, bake sourdough, write a book, start a blog or learn a language. You might even want to study for a diploma or degree, to get the skills to propel you towards a whole new career.

4. Meet your neighbours 

If you don't know your neighbours, introduce yourself to them and invite them around for a coffee or drink. Neighbours can help you out if you’re in a pickle, and vice versa. You may want to give your neighbour's phone number to close friends and family who don't live nearby, in case they can't get hold of you. It’s reassuring to know your neighbours are there to pop over or help in some way should you need it.  

5. Stay active and prioritise your health

Your mental wellbeing can affect your physical health and vice versa. So make sure you hit the health basics of being active, eating a balanced diet and getting plenty of good quality sleep. If you’re living with a pre-existing or long-term condition, keep in touch with your healthcare provider so you feel supported, and with your health goals on track. 

6.  Make your home your sanctuary

Living solo means you can have your house looking the way you like it, you can do what you want when you want, you can watch what you want and you don’t have to deal with other people’s quirky habits.  
 
If you’re used to living a certain way, start small to really make the place your own. Try moving things around to suit the way you live now – eg, swap your bedroom for the sunnier office space or vice versa. Add splashes of personality with photos, pictures and new cushions. Paint a wall (check with your landlord if you’re renting) your favourite colour. If you’re handy with DIY, start that small home improvement project you’ve always dreamed of. Your space should be a place you enjoy coming back to, and where you feel safe and relaxed. 

If you're still holding onto clutter, such as extra boxes, tools and clothing from a former partner or family member who's moved out, check with them about coming to collect their things. Otherwise read our decluttering and downsizing tips.

7. Freeze meals

When you live alone it can seem a chore to cook every night and it can be hard to cook something just for one. A good idea is to cook enough for a few meals and then freeze the remainder. That way you have ready-made meals for later on and you’re not wasting food. Food box delivery services also have 'meal-for-one' options. 

8. Check your security and have a spare key

It’s common to worry about safety when you live alone. Checking that you have a good door lock and secure window latches will give you peace of mind. Is there good outside lighting? Make sure light bulbs are replaced if outdoor or front door lights aren’t working. Check the security alarm works or get one installed if you can afford it. Let your trusted neighbours know that you live there alone, and also when you’re going away for a few days. 
 
If you get locked out when you live on your own things can get quite tricky! Without someone else living in the house who has a key to let you in, you need to be extra careful. Have a spare key that’s not in the house – perhaps with a neighbour, family member or somewhere well-hidden outside. Another option is to fit an electronic lock with a number code.

9. Consider a pet

Image credit: Canva

Many people who live alone have a pet. Some might like a dog for security (and to bark when someone is at the front door!), others love the company. Spending time with animals has some great health benefits – and if you’re walking the dog, it can be a good way to break the ice and start a conversation with a fellow pet lover.

10. Go away for the weekend, take a mini-break or trip

If the house feels extra quiet on the weekend, why not pack your bags and go away? Visit friends, stay over with whānau and have a change of scenery. If you have another solo friend or a group of mates, team up for a weekend away – book a motel, hotel or caravan park at a ‘new-to-you’ spot – there are lots of budget-friendly accommodation options around. If you’re active, hike to a DOC hut for a back-to-nature experience. 
 
There are plenty of opportunities for solo travellers as well – many travel businesses now cater for singles. Living solo is no excuse for staying home, alone.

If you find yourself living alone and you don’t like it, you’re not stuck with it. You could rent out a spare room, get a boarder, or move house to live with friends, family or flatmates. If you’re older, it might be time to think about shared community living or a retirement home where there’s plenty of company.  
 
Ultimately if living alone isn’t a positive choice for you, it might be worth exploring other options.